Victorian Courtship Tips

     Seeing a significant other?  Men and women have been dating or courting ever since the beginning of time.  Though I have never made it a particular study, I am certain that every country has its own particular dating/courting customs.
     I was hoping to finish this post a little bit closer to Valentine's Day, but school intervened, as usual!  Anyway, I would like to share some Victorian courtship tips from Manners, Cultures, and Dress of the Best American Society.  The writing style is enchanting and a good portion of the advice is well-grounded and applicable to the twenty-first century lady or gentleman.  I don't have time to copy all of the advice, but if you have any questions about what else this wonderful manual has to say about Victorian romance, please let me know!        ~ Katelyn

*A Lady’s Position

     A lady’s choice is only negative – that is to say, she may love, but she cannot declare her love; she must wait.  It is hers, when the time comes, to consent or to decline, but till the time comes she must be passive.  And whatever may be said in jest or sarcasm about it, this trial of a woman’s patience is often very hard to bear.

*A Gentleman’s Position

     A man may, and he will learn his fate at once, openly declare his passion, and obtain his answer.  In this he has great advantage over the lady.  Being refused, he may go elsewhere to seek a mate, if he be in the humor; try his fortune again, and mayhap be the lucky drawer of a princely prize.

     To a gentleman seeking a partner for life, we would say – look to it, that you be not entrapped by a beautiful face.

     “Regard not the figure, young man; look at the heart:

     The heart of a woman is sometimes deformed.”

*Conduct of a Gentleman toward Ladies

     A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon marriage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any one lady.  He may call upon all and extend invitations to any or all to attend public places of amusement with him, or may act as their escort on occasions, and no one of the many has any right to feel herself injured.  But as soon as he neglects others to devote himself to a single lady he gives that lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted to her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming engaged.

*Love at First Sight

     No doubt there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base a marriage.  There should be thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon. 

*Unmanly Conduct

     Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had received injuries they were abound to avenge, and so take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the helpless victims of their former attentions.  Such conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say nothing of its utter violation of good breeding.  

* Wells, Richard A.  Manners, Culture, and Dress.  Springfield, Mass.: King, Richardson & Co., 1890. Print. 

Romances of Colonial Days by Geraldine Brooks

     My aunt gave me and my mom a copy of this collection of short romance tales about men and women who lived in the American Colonies.  On the third page of the book is an inscription in beautiful, old-fashioned script: From Marion.  Commencement May 26th 1904.  I'm always happy when I have a slight hint as to the book's history before it came to me.  I only wish Marion had written the name of her young friend. 
     This is the only book by Geraldine Brooks that I have ever read.  She writes such interesting stories.  I would like to collect the other books she wrote. I do not know exactly how you categorize her stories; it's neither non-fiction nor historical fiction.  This is part of what she says in the preface on the subject:

    Once a poet with the gold of fact and the alloy of his own fancy fashioned a poem which he called a "Ring."  In writing these "Romances of Colonial Days" I have endeavored to keep the poet's "Ring" always in mind, to make them rings of romance in which gold and alloy each has its part.  Musty old records, letters, and diaries of men and women long since dead have furnished me my gold; and it is surprising how much of gold, facts still breathing the life, the love, the joys and sorrows of bygone day, lies hidden in these dry-looking mines of history.*   

     I do not know to what extent her books are available in physical book format.  However, thanks to modern technology, her books are available for online reading at Internet Archive Search: Brooks, Geraldine

     Here is the table of contents and a brief synopsis of each short story.

                                          Romances of Colonial Days:

     I. In Mayflower Time (1621)

          The fabled romance of John Alden and Priscilla Mullins of Plymouth Plantation.  “Why don’t you speak for yourself, John?”

     II.  Beside the Water-Gate (1690)

          Marriage for love or for political alliance: the story of Abram Gouveneur, a Frenchman, and Mary Leisler, a Dutchwoman. 

     III.  The Secret of the Trees (1735)

          Daniel Parke Custis, a Virginia plantation owner, presents his suite of love to his cousin, Evelyn Byrd, at the honeysuckle gate.

     IV.  A Crown That Stung (1744)

          Agnes Surriage must choose whether to remain under the protection of her benefactor and love, Mr. Harry Frankland, or return to her home and loving family.

     V.  The Serving of a Laggard Lover (1751) 

          Miss Hannah Waldo of Boston has been engaged to Andrew Pepperell, the son of a baronet, for five years, but she is growing weary of the prolonged engagement.

     VI. The Wooing of a Governor (1760)

          Governor Benning Wentworth is keenly feeling the absence of wife and family as he faces the later years of his life. 

     VII. The Passing of a Sweetheart (1773)

          Dr. Benjamin Rush watches helplessly as his patient and sweetheart, Sally Eve, slowly fades away from him.

     VIII.  A Strain from the Mischianza (1778)

          Miss Peggy Chew is enjoying the company of the British officers – especially the attentions of Captain Andre.  Only a frightening dream mars her happiness. 

     IX.  In the Ambassador’s Garden (1785)

          Miss Abby Adams receives a letter from her father’s secretary, Colonel Smith, expressing his desire to win her heart when he returns.  This is the only story that takes place outside the United States. 
 
     After each story, Geraldine Brooks includes an epilogue.  I always appreciate and enjoy an epilogue, even if the story does not end the way I wish it would.  If you would like more information about these delightful stories, please let me know!  My own personal favorites are Beside the Water-Gate, The Serving of a Laggard Lover, and The Wooing of a Governor.  
     Happy Valentine's Day!


  *The clip from the preface and the titles of the chapters: Brooks, Geraldine.  Romances of Colonial Days.  New York: Thomas Y. Crowell & Company, 1903.  Print.

The Pearl of Orr's Island by Harriet Beecher Stowe

     A Story of the Coast of Maine.  
     Let us travel back in time - to the last days of the eighteenth century through the early days of the nineteenth century, to an island of the New England state Maine.  A young woman waits for the return of her husband, ship-master James Lincoln.  The woman's name is Naomi.  With her father Captain Zephaniah Pennel, she watches the ship draw close to land.  Suddenly, before their very eyes, the boat capsizes and sinks.  James Lincoln drowns.
     The tragedy throws Naomi Lincoln into labor.  That very day she gives birth to a girl, and then joins her husband in death.  Before she dies, Naomi names her daughter Mara, a Biblical name meaning 'bitter.'  Zephaniah and his wife Mary, a humble, God-fearing couple, raise their granddaughter in their small home on Orr's Island.  They are aided by the two spinster sisters Miss Roxy and Miss Ruey Toothacre, who figure prominently in the story.
     Mara is the sunshine of her grandparents' lives.  She is a blessing to them and lessens their ache at having lost both daughter and son-in-law.  She is different from most children.  Even as a very small child, she is quiet, pensive, yet cheerful.  Her dearest friend is Sally Kittridge, the daughter of Captain and Mrs. Kittridge.  They live a short walk away from Mara and her family.  Sally is several years older than Mara, but two enjoy playing together.  Captain Kittridge loves Mara, and he tells the girls wonderful stories - all exaggerated but nonetheless engrossing.  Mrs. Kittridge does not approve of her husband's yarns.  She is practical and serious.
     One night, when Mara is still a very little girl, she has a dream of a woman and a small boy.  The woman gives the boy to Mara and then disappears, leaving her child behind.  The next day, Mara and Sally play in the cove along the sea.  While they are playing, Sally finds a bracelet of hair with a lovely clasp.  Mara has a greater discovery: a woman on the beach, holding a small boy in her arms: Victims of a shipwreck.  The woman is dead, but the boy is alive.  No identification, beyond the bracelet, is found on the woman or her son.
     Zephaniah and Mary Pennel and Mara welcome the orphaned boy into their home.  They name him Moses, after the Biblical patriarch who, like the boy, was "drawn out of water."  The boy and girl become inseparable.  Mara takes the boy under her wing, becoming his guardian angel.  He grows up as Mara's brother and Captain and Mrs. Pennel's son.  He remembers nothing of his earlier life, being too young at the time of the shipwreck and his mother's death.
     The pastor of the parish is Rev. Theophilus Sewell.  He is a bachelor, and he lives with his sister, Miss Emily.  Miss Emily is a sweet lady and she adores her brother.  One evening Rev. Sewell and his sister visit the Pennels'.  Captain Pennel shows the hair bracelet and clasp, with the initials 'D.M,' to him.  It is the only link Moses has to his past.  Miss Emily notes a sudden, mysterious change that comes over her brother as he sees the hair bracelet and clasp.  When they return home, Rev. Sewell avoids her probing questions, and locks himself away in his room.
     Moses grows up into a rebellious, arrogant young man.  He admires Mara, a lovely young lady, but he little respects her, and he treats her unkindly.  He flirts with Sally Kittridge, now an independent, coquettish  young woman.  Mara, loving and loyal, has always loved Moses.  She suffers silently, yet remains true to her first and only love.
     Harriet Beecher Stowe's style in The Pearl of Orr's Island is, at times, conversational in tone.  She writes as a silent observer yet as part of her audience, addressing the reader with a familiar 'we' instead of the distant third person.  This mood is played to brilliance as she draws our attention to certain actions or away from certain moments.
     Although Mara was not one of my favorite characters in the story (until closer to the end), I loved Miss Roxy and Miss Ruey.  If you have seen the BBC mini-series Cranford, starring Eileen Atkins and Judi Dench as Miss Deborah and Miss Mattie Jenkins, you will see a striking resemblence in looks and temperament between these two sisters and Miss Roxy and Miss Ruey.
     My next favorite set of characters is Rev. Sewell and his sister Miss Emily.  Rev. Sewell is a refreshing change from the usual pastor-stereotype one finds in most books and films.  He is a character with depth and a surprising past.  He and Miss Emily have several humorous conversations.  Miss Emily is a kind soul, most likely the funniest character in the entire novel.
     I will warn you that the novel can crawl at times, but the story is intriguing.  At times I wanted to knock some sense into one character, and another time I wanted to shake a different character.  But when you care about the people in a story, you know that the author has beautifully created characters worthy of your attention.  

Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell

     Little Molly Gibson lives in the small English town Hollingford with her father, Dr. Gibson.  Her mother is dead, and she is her kind father's companion.  In spite of his busy occupation, Dr. Gibson is a devoted father, and the two share a very close bond.
     When Molly is a young girl, Miss Browning and her sister Miss Phoebe take Molly to the grand tea at Lord and Lady Cumnor's estate.  It is a very exciting event for Molly - her first tea at the Cumnor's.  During the festivities, Molly falls asleep.  She is found by one of Lady Cumnor's daughters and her governess, Claire Kirkpatrick.  Lady Cumnor's daughter takes pity on Molly and offers to let her rest in Claire's room.  The Misses Brownings, each thinking the other has their young charge, leave the tea and poor Molly. When she wakes up and comes downstairs, it is evening.  She eats with the children, but she does not enjoy her stay with nobility.  Dr. Gibson arrives and takes her home.
     The story jumps forward several years.  Molly is now a young lady, and she has a secret admirer - so secret that even she does not yet know it.  The young man is a medical apprentice of her father.  Dr. Gibson does not approve of him.  To derail the man's infatuation with his daughter, Dr. Gibson sends Molly to visit Hamely Hall.
     Hamely Hall is the home of Squire Hamley and his invalid wife.  They are good friends of Dr. Gibson, and Molly finds a second home here.  She spends most of her time with Mrs. Hamley.  Mrs. Hamley has two sons, both away at college.  The oldest is Osborne and younger is Roger.  Osborne is the favorite of both father and mother.  He is very talented and clever, and Squire Hamley has high hopes of his marrying well and restoring the failing fortunes of the family.  Roger is the quieter son and lives in the shadow of his brother.  After hearing Mrs. Hamley's high praise of Osborne, Molly eagerly looks forward to meeting him.
     Trouble visits the family when Roger arrives with the horrible and despairing news that Osborne has done badly in his exams and he will not receive a fellowship (this, if I remember correctly, was a recognition of his academic standing: he would have a position at the university, and he would receive a salary).  Molly tries to comfort Squire and Mrs. Hamley, but they are so disappointed in Osborne.  Squire Hamley especially so.
     Though she has become partial towards Osborne, Molly forms a friendship with Roger.  He is a naturalist and very smart.  He is not eloquent but sincere and kind.  She becomes like a sister to him, as she has become a daughter to Squire and Mrs. Hamley.
     Molly's happy world is shaken when her father tells her some startling news: he is going to remarry.  His choice of bride is the widow Mrs. Hyacinth Kirkpatrick, former governess to Lord and Lady Cumnor's children.  She was then called "Claire," and not Hyacinth.  Mrs. Kirkpatrick has one daughter, Cynthia.  She is studying in France and does not attend the wedding.  From the beginning, the new Mrs. Gibson changes the whole order of the life Molly once knew.  Mrs. Gibson is rather inconsiderate and self-serving.  These two flaws affect her entire character and how she interacts with her new step-daughter and family friends.
     When Mrs. Hamley's delicate health steadily worsens, Molly returns to her dear friend's side.  Roger and the disgraced Osborne are called home, and Molly finally has the pleasure of meeting the son and heir of the Hamley estate.  Molly likes him, but it is Roger with whom she is falling in love.  However, it takes Cynthia to realize this.
     Of all the changes taking place in her life, Molly enjoys having a step-sister the most.  Cynthia comes to live with the Gibsons’, and soon the two girls are close friends.  Cynthia is lovely and winsome, but she, like her mother, is self-centered and enjoys flirting.  Roger falls victim to her smiles and charm.  Too late does Molly realizes that she cares for Roger as more than just a brother.
     When Mrs. Gibson, who prefers Osborne to Roger, invites the young Hamley gentlemen to dinner, Molly accidentally overhears a secret the two brothers are guarding very carefully.  She promises to protect their secret, and, as time passes, Molly keeps another secret for someone else, a secret that nearly ruins her own reputation.
      Wives and Daughters is the last novel Elizabeth Gaskell wrote.  In fact, she died before finishing it.  I did not realize this until I came to the last page of the book.  I was greatly disappointed because I was enjoying myself immensely.  Fortunately, the novel was almost complete before her untimely death and you can guess how it ended.

Wives & Daughters

     If you enjoy Jane Austen's novels you will enjoy Wives and Daughters.  It deals slightly with the theme that gentlemen of higher rank should not marry below their station, and it portrays a strong bond between father and daughter which is reminiscent of the strong relationship between Elizabeth Bennett and her father.  Like Elinor Dashwood and Anne Elliot, Molly must face her romantic disappointments quietly as she watches another accept the attentions of the man she loves.  
     If you have seen BBC's miniseries of Wives and Daughters starring Justine Waddell, you will be surprised at how close it is to the novel.  Andrew Davies, the screenplay writer, kept very close to Gaskell's original tale, and I love Justine Waddell's portrayal of little Molly Gibson.  I highly recommend both the series and the book. 
     Not only is Wives and Daughters a delightful story full of terrific characters, it offers a peek into the life - culturally and socially - of early Victorians.  The novel is full of nuances to books, laws, and customs that the average 21st century reader knows little or nothing about.  I love history and for all those that do, I recommend the Penguin Classic edition of this book.  Penguin Classics offers a very detailed section at the back of the book to the explanation of these cultural and social references, providing the reader with a rich and complete understanding of this romantic tale.

Here is a link to the first part of the BBC miniseries: YouTube: Wives & Daughters