Victorian Courtship Tips

     Seeing a significant other?  Men and women have been dating or courting ever since the beginning of time.  Though I have never made it a particular study, I am certain that every country has its own particular dating/courting customs.
     I was hoping to finish this post a little bit closer to Valentine's Day, but school intervened, as usual!  Anyway, I would like to share some Victorian courtship tips from Manners, Cultures, and Dress of the Best American Society.  The writing style is enchanting and a good portion of the advice is well-grounded and applicable to the twenty-first century lady or gentleman.  I don't have time to copy all of the advice, but if you have any questions about what else this wonderful manual has to say about Victorian romance, please let me know!        ~ Katelyn

*A Lady’s Position

     A lady’s choice is only negative – that is to say, she may love, but she cannot declare her love; she must wait.  It is hers, when the time comes, to consent or to decline, but till the time comes she must be passive.  And whatever may be said in jest or sarcasm about it, this trial of a woman’s patience is often very hard to bear.

*A Gentleman’s Position

     A man may, and he will learn his fate at once, openly declare his passion, and obtain his answer.  In this he has great advantage over the lady.  Being refused, he may go elsewhere to seek a mate, if he be in the humor; try his fortune again, and mayhap be the lucky drawer of a princely prize.

     To a gentleman seeking a partner for life, we would say – look to it, that you be not entrapped by a beautiful face.

     “Regard not the figure, young man; look at the heart:

     The heart of a woman is sometimes deformed.”

*Conduct of a Gentleman toward Ladies

     A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon marriage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any one lady.  He may call upon all and extend invitations to any or all to attend public places of amusement with him, or may act as their escort on occasions, and no one of the many has any right to feel herself injured.  But as soon as he neglects others to devote himself to a single lady he gives that lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted to her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming engaged.

*Love at First Sight

     No doubt there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base a marriage.  There should be thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon. 

*Unmanly Conduct

     Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had received injuries they were abound to avenge, and so take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the helpless victims of their former attentions.  Such conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say nothing of its utter violation of good breeding.  

* Wells, Richard A.  Manners, Culture, and Dress.  Springfield, Mass.: King, Richardson & Co., 1890. Print.